Joe Gerstandt | keynote speaker, freedom fighter, freak-flag flier

World AIDS Day is a day that always invites pause and reflection for me. Obviously it is a day with real global significance, but it also reminds me of one of the real bright spots in my adventures as an employee.

Sometime in the year 2000 I started doing some volunteer work for Nebraska AIDS Project. I had come to (another) weird crossroads professionally, and was once again trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was also looking to challenge myself, get outside of my comfort zone and expand my network. Nebraska AIDS Project had a volunteer speakers bureau, and I had always kind of liked speaking. Seemed like it might be a good fit; I signed up and was then invited to a basic training class for volunteers. By this time I was already convinced of and impressed by how “open minded” and “progressive” and “good” of a person I was, because I had Come A Long Way. I was after all the same person that had written and given a speech in high school about AIDS being Gods punishment to the human race for homosexuality. I was much more tolerant now; in fact I was one of the most incredibly tolerant people that I knew. Good times. I was an idiot then and still am…but you already know that.

I then went through some training for the speakers bureau and I remember being asked if I was okay with people assuming that I was gay and / or HIV+. And I said, sure I had no problem with that, but I remember thinking, how could anyone ever think that I was gay or HIV+? Good times.

Anyway, over the next year or two I represented Nebraska AIDS Project at a handful of community events and health fairs. Interesting experiences. It is interesting to be manning a booth at a health fair at a college or a church or a high school and watch people make their way down the line of booths, only to turn briskly away at your booth after seeing the sign. People actually acted like they might catch AIDS if they stopped at your booth or looked directly into your eyes. Good times.

And then one day…

And then one day, there was a job open at Nebraska AIDS Project and though I was not in any way qualified for it, I wanted it. I had a strong sense that it was the kind of work that I was looking for. A new Executive Director took a risk and I was hired as the Director of Education and Prevention Programs. And it was a life changer.

I found myself surrounded by people who had had very different life experiences than mine. It became crystal clear to me that my experience was not The Experience. It became clear to me that identity can profoundly impact how you experience and are treated by an organization, institution or community. Different identities, different experiences, different perspectives. I also learned a few things about myself, and apparently I was not okay with people assuming that I was gay and / or HIV+…or else I would not have been so quick to correct people that seemed to be operating on those assumptions. I started to learn about privilege.

I joined a long term survivors support group and found myself rocked and humbled by the stories of people that had lived with HIV for 15 and 20 years, that had been disowned and uninvited by many of the people and institutions in their lives, that had attended more funerals than anybody should, that had been told to move home and prepare to die, only to realize after maxing out their credit cards and burning their bridges that they were actually going to be around for a bit. I got to know young gay African American men that felt they did not have any true home or community. To be welcome anywhere they had to sacrifice and deny some component of their identity. I helped conduct street outreach and HIV testing for people involved in prostitution, who were truly living on the edge.

This was when I became interested in issues related to diversity, inclusion and community. This is when I really studied and learned the history of AIDS in this country, and history of gay rights, the civil rights and women’s movements and other social movements.

I came out of these experiences profoundly changed. I was in many ways a different person after doing this work for 3 years. I believed different things, I cared about different things, I read different things, I valued different things…that change did not happen because I sought it out or aspired toward it. It happened because of what I saw and heard, because of the people and their stories…the people that I worked for and with and around. Their truth further informed my truth. I came to a fuller understanding of the world, this country and this community through the experiences of people different from me…they taught me about things that I could not experience for myself.

I would not be the crotchety, tree-hugging, dirt-worshiping, peace-loving, bleeding heart liberal that I am today without this experience. I would just be a crotchety something else. This experience helped me figure out more about what truly matters to me than any other experience except possibly my time in the Marine Corps. This job helped me finally find my way toward my calling.

I am proud of the work that I was involved with, but I know that what I received from the experience has been invaluable. I have not been directly involved in HIV/AIDS awareness work for several years not, but I carry that experience with me and continue to be incredibly thankful for the people involved in that experience. Maybe the best job I ever had.

Be good to each other.