August 21st, 2014
Is what you see accurate?
I am not an especially smart human being. My life is a box set of lessons learned the hard way. I am the guy that still has to burn my hand on the stove from time to time, I guess it makes a better story than taking your word for it. Much of what I learned the hard way early in my adulthood involved lessons about other people.
I grew up on a small farm, next to a small town in Northwest Iowa. When I was 18 years old, a legal adult and old enough to enlist in the United States Marine Corps, I had lots of things that I “knew” about other groups of people. I had a body of knowledge about African Americans, Hispanic and Latino folks, people that were Buddhist, vegetarian, Jewish, gay and lesbian. I had not yet had a relationship with people from any of these groups, but believed I knew things about them.
When I went out into the world and interacted with real, live human beings I discovered that I merely had collections of stereotypes about these groups.
One of the best friends I had during my time in the Marine Corps was John Perry, an African American man from St Louis. We were roommates for about 9 months in Okinawa, Japan. I can remember when John and I were still getting to know each other and having a conversation about basketball. He was trying to tell me that he didn’t like basketball, and I knew better. He claimed that he did not follow basketball, did not watch basketball, could not and did not play basketball and I knew this could not be true. I could not figure out why he was pulling my leg. When he later exhibited his atrocious basketball skills on the court, I still could not figure out why he was pulling my leg.
Fortunately for me, John was a good friend and incredibly patient.
This was not the first or the last time that I had inaccurate assumptions and expectations of someone based purely on stereotypical ideas related to some aspect of their identity, I could write a book. Maybe I am the only one, but I don’t think so. Call it racist, call it lazy and naïve thinking, call it prejudice or ignorance, call it what you wish; I think it happens all the time.
I think that it happens every day. I think that it happens quickly and easily, automatically in fact.
When we do not actually know something about a person we have to operate based on what we think we know about them. Assumptions, especially assumptions connected to visual cues can run amok in the early stages of an interaction. We commonly make decisions about people based on unchallenged assumptions, and we do it as individuals, groups and organizations.
Your organization probably makes some decisions about people. Are those decisions based on real information?
What do you do to remove the fiction from what you think you know about people?
Be good to each other.
Well done! TY for sharing.
An anonymous quote I once read stated what we should do, “There isn’t anyone you can’t learn to like once you have heard their story.” An open mind is the key. Get to know someone and you will soon realize we are all human beings and have more in common with one another than different. Be blind…Close your eyes and talk to someone you have never met or seen. I bet your opinion would be much different than if you had seen them first and then met them. Love more, live happier.
Joe – this is great. We all need to meditate on the assumptions that are running our life.
Joe, this is a great story and a great piece of writing. I appreciate your honesty and authenticity. You give us all the invitation to be our imperfect, assumption-filled selves…but not unchecked. This story resonates for me. I remember leaving home many years ago and meeting all kinds of new people from different backgrounds, who had different experiences. I was wide eyed and full of curiosity…and still am!
joe,this is amzing i liked the story thanks fore sharing.