March 2nd, 2012
The word community gets thrown around a lot today. I see and hear lots of conversations about building community, managing community, etc.
As I have mentioned before, I think that community requires much more than simply sharing physical or other kinds of space. I think that real community demands a certain amount of mutual commitment, a certain amount of relational courage. If we break it down to the basics, relationships can be built of two things, difference and commonality. Between all humans there exists difference and commonality and in healthy, generative relationships both are shared.
But that is hard to do. It is much easier (at least in the short run) to just focus on one or the other and that is what most groups do. Groups of people have very strong tendencies toward focusing just on their commonality or just on their differences. Both are problematic.
When we choose to focus only on commonality, we are subordinating individual identities to group identity. To do this we have to ignore, deny and remove difference. Highly conformist, this approach creates false, cosmetic community. When we prioritize our individual differences, we cannot come together at all. We are subordinating group identities to individual identities and this approach results in silos, segregation, borders, walls and generally some form of violence.
Mother Theresa said “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
I think that in many ways and on many levels we are indeed without peace in the world. I also think that this quote tells us a great deal about community and the courage that it demands.
There are people that will tell you that group identities (nation, gender, political party, profession) should always take priority over individual identities. There are also plenty of people that will tell you that group identities should always be subordinate to the individual.
As usual, I think that the truth lies in the middle. Whether you are talking about an actual community, an organization, a virtual network or some other social entity, a robust and creative community demands a dynamic balance of both.
It requires that we choose to belong to each other. It does not require us to like each other or agree with each other…it requires us to be committed to both caring for the container of commonality and the individual differences inside.
It’s hard work. There is nuance and flexibility involved. It requires prioritizing and investing in relationships. It requires listening and dialogue, maturity and courage. It requires “I” and “we” language, not “them” and “they.”
It takes courage to live in paradox. Real, living community requires us to embrace both the truth that we are all different and the truth that we are all the same. It is paradoxical and it is not simple or easy, that is why it requires courage.
Be good to each other.
I love the spirit embodied in “choosing to belong to each other”. In my mind I also experience it in community as choosing to be FOR each other and WITH each other. As such, we look for opportunities to be more of who we are and support (dare I say … expect?) others doing the same. By showing up and being more fully ourSELF, it allows us to create a larger and more robust shared identity in community with others.
Great diagram, Joe. It gets the thought of community clearly and concisely. Civility and courage can co-exist because it is what will enable us to advance as a community while being good to each other. Thank you. Jon
[…] Community Requires Courage by Joe Gerstandt. […]
It requires that we choose to belong to each other. Belonging to each other to me means excepting each other strength as well as weakness.