July 29th, 2009
Part II The Yin Yang of Being with other Humans
Years before Louis Pasteur came along and proved to the world the existence of germs; Ignaz Semmelweis was trying to convince health care providers to wash their hands. Semmelweis was trying to reduce mortality rates in the obstetrical clinic he directed and he strongly believed that specific hand washing standards were part of the solution. He was not able to fully explain why, and despite clinical trials showing the positive impact of regular hand-washing was not able to get much support from the medical community during his lifetime. He was in fact ridiculed by many in his profession for his ideas. We now know better.
We could learn a lot from the story of Dr. Semmelweis…
We could learn that doctors (even today) should wash their hands more often.
We could learn that change can be very difficult, even when the evidence is on our side.
And we could learn that there can be things invisible to the human eye, things that we do not completely understand that can have significant impact on our lives. Germs. Gravity. Social pressure. Difference.Commonality. It does not matter whether we can see them, whether we understand them or even whether we believe in them or not…the impact remains.
In Part I, I spoke about how in every transaction (interaction/relationship/conversation) between two or more human beings, two things are always present (whether we see them or acknowledge them or not)…difference and commonality. Not only are these two forces present in all of interactions, they are both very powerful and how we interact with each of them can greatly influence the nature and the outcome of our interactions. The difference and commonality between us has a very yin yang kind of dynamic.
Wikipedia (the source of all knowledge in the world!) says this about yin yang…
In Chinese philosophy, the concept of yin yang (often referred to in the west as yin and yang) is used to describe how seemingly disjunct or opposing forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, giving rise to each other in turn. Many natural dualities – e.g. dark and light, female and male, low and high – are cast in Chinese thought as yin yang. According to the philosophy, yin and yang are complementary opposites within a greater whole. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, which constantly interact, never existing in absolute stasis
Difference and commonality are complimentary opposites within a greater whole. Difference and commonality are complimentary opposites that provide the frame for our relationships and interactions. With complimentary opposites, balance is critical and it is when we focus too much on one or the other that things get dysfunctional and inauthentic. I am not sure whether it has always been this way or it is a product of our time, but if you observe political “leaders” from opposing parties debate issues, it is not uncommon for them to focus solely on their differences (even when those differences may be quite small). This can become dysfunctional because it places too much emphasis on one of the complimentary opposites and not enough on the other…the interaction is dishonest and out of balance. Sometimes the members of one party will focus solely on their commonalities…they “will put on a unified face.” This can also become dysfunctional and denies the complexity and diversity present…another interaction lacking balance.
We all do this at times, changing our focus depending on the relationship, depending on our mood, depending on the state of the world. Over the long term though, the resilience and authenticity of our relationships depends greatly on our ability to touch both of these complimentary opposites. Focusing solely on difference is dishonest and leads to apathy and violence in one form or another. Focusing solely on commonality is dishonest and leads to violence in one form or another.
There is an additional layer to this, as we can find difference in commonality and commonality in difference. You and I might be of different races or different genders, but (if we are able to discuss and explore that difference) find that we had still learned similar things or had similar experiences connected to our race or our gender. You and I may be from the same town, but find that we had very different experiences in that town. We have to be able to look at both of these variables in our relationships.
Our ability to consider people who we strongly disagree with and determine that we have nothing in common with them is part of what stands in the way of us learning about where their perspective comes from and how it is in some way a lot like our own. And then we can make all sorts of juicy judgments about their character, motives and evil intentions…again politics (and the “news” coverage of politics) makes a wonderful case study).
One of the mistakes that we make in working for community or organizational inclusion, is that we just focus on the importance and the impact of difference, without considering the significance of commonality and some balance of the two.
In real relationships, in resilient relationships, in generative relationships there is a consistent effort to explore both, an effort to appreciate and learn from both. In real relationships there is some amount of balance over time…what kind of relationships do you have?
Invisible, invaluable in our interactions; difference and commonality drive much of what happens and what does not happen. In Part III I will talk about how we use yin yang to make soup.
Be good to each other.