August 15th, 2009
Part V: The Difference Matrix
In the first post of this series, I presented the idea that there are two primary forces present in every interaction between human beings; difference and commonality. In the second post, I presented the idea that difference and commonality are not independent of each other, but rather complimentary opposites forming a greater whole. In the third post I framed commonality as the container which holds us together and difference as the ingredients within the container, which allow us to learn, build, create, etc. The fourth post considered the impact of having an imbalance towards one or the other (difference or commonality). This post shares a model for supporting balanced and powerful relationships, utilizing both difference and commonality.
I do not know Glenda Eoyang, but I am a fan. I really like pretty much everything that I have seen come out of the Human Systems Dynamics Institute. One of the first things that really caught my eyes was the Difference Matrix, which I came across in this document from 1999.
The Difference Matrix highlights some of the outcomes (positive and negative) when you have different combinations of intensity of interaction and the amount of difference involved. I think that this model reinforces what I have said about the importance of both difference and commonality. Difference is a very powerful ingredient in a relationship or a group, but any interaction focused primarily on difference will splinter and become pathological…this model shows us that there are pros and cons for all of these orientations. It is also actionable, because we can then gauge the current state of our relationship, workforce or community and think about what direction we need to be moving in next.
So. Regardless of what kind of interaction or social space we are talking about, there is great value in touching and activating both the difference present and the commonality. Our ability to do this will determine how authentic, generative and resilient that relationship is. Relationships focused solely on difference become dysfunctional, relationships focused solely on commonality are not deeply rooted and fracture easily with pressure. The Difference Matrix is a simple guide for making sure we are consistently looking at both the difference and the commonality between us. So, pick a relationship / interaction:
- spouse – spouse
- parent – child
- co-worker – co-worker
- employee – employer
- company – workforce
- company – client(s)
Briefly consider how valuable and strong the relationship is, consider whether you share your differences and your commonality. Which quadrant of the Difference Matrix are you currently in…is there value in moving to a different quadrant?
Be good to each other.