Joe Gerstandt | keynote speaker, freedom fighter, freak-flag flier

I am a reader and a while back, I read a heap of books about science.  I was really interested in chaos theory, emergence, complexity, autopoiesis and read about little else for a couple of years.  One of the concepts that has always stuck with me and I believe to be very relevant to human relations is Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions (SDIC), sometimes referred to as the Butterfly Effect. 

Scientists working with chaos theory talk about SDIC as the principle that as a model or dynamic evolves, tiny differences in input can lead to overwhelming differences in output.  A small snowball triggers an avalanche.  A few degrees difference in water or air temperature makes a weather pattern much more intense, turning a rain storm into a violent hurricane.  A ten or fifteen minute delay in the departure time of your flight leads to you getting home hours later than expected.

In the beginning, little things can make a big difference…and I think that this is true regarding our relations and interactions with other human beings as well. 

I tend to avoid “networking events,” but let us say that you and I meet at one such event.  As our relationship begins we know very little about each other…and in the absence of real shared information, we start to fill in the gaps and make assumptions about each other.  I think that these initial assumptions are examples of really small things that can actually lead to big differences in where our relationship goes. We are both going to make decisions about each other that can determine the direction of our relationship or if we even develop any kind of relationship. It is also important to remember that those initial assumptions are very susceptible to stereotypical ideas about the social groups that we belong to or appear to belong.

So, to help reduce the impact of assumptions and labels and stereotypes on our interactions, let me suggest another principle that I am a big fan of.  Shunryu Suzuki was one of the first American Zen masters and he used to talk to his students about the importance of having a “beginners mind.”  Suzuki said; ”In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few.”  He also said that trying to teach an expert something was like to trying to pour water in a glass that is already full.

I think that this idea of having a “beginners mind” can be very valuable in our relationships with others.  A few practical suggestions:

As humans we probably cannot stop ourselves from making assumptions, but can we be more intentional about the kinds of assumptions we make?   Try to assume that the people that you meet and interact with are good, kind, passionate and talented?  If any of those are inaccurate, the evidence will be show up eventually.

Ask questions…lots of questions…open ended questions.  Fill up the empty space between the two of you will real information.

Listen.  Really listen.  Become a student of the people that you interact with.

And, as always…

Be good to each other.