Joe Gerstandt | keynote speaker, freedom fighter, freak-flag flier

It is almost time for HRevolution.

The first HRevolution took place in 2009.  I was aware of it, but did not really understand what it was all about. I thought it was kind of a blogging shindig for HR bloggers.  I don’t even like it when people read my blog, so the last thing that I want to do is sit around and talk about it, and I passed.  I was also basically living in a van down by the river at that time, and my budget for stuff like that was about $7.oo.  When HRevolution 2010 was approaching I paid a little more attention to the details as I had gotten to know a lot of the people involved and I realized that it was something that I wanted to connect to.  I registered and bought my plane ticket, but when it came time to actually go to Chicago, life had other plans.  My wife was about 9 months pregnant, she was actually working that weekend and our other two kids were sick the morning that I was supposed to leave.  It just became pretty clear to me that if I were to actually leave that morning it would probably not be good for our relationship or for my permission to keep sleeping in the big bed.  So.  I stayed home with the kids and jealously monitored the twitter stream coming out of what seemed like a pretty cool event.  I knew that I had to be at HRevolution 2011, and it looks like I am actually going to pull it off.  Said another way, I do not care if our kids are playing in traffic…I am going to HRevolution this year.

Some conferences that I am involved in are really good networking events, some are good opportunities to get in front of a new audience and build my business…but this event is different.  From what I can tell HRevolution is where a bunch of the coolest of the cool kids from HR come together every year…so my objective is not to network or hobnob or make killer sales pitches…my objective is to be (for one day only) the coolest of the cool kids.

Check my plan:

1. I am going to ooze indifference. I do not want anyone to know that I read their blog religiously or hang on their every tweet.  I am going to act like I have never even heard of them before…I have a bunch of great lines ready to use, such as: “Oh you’re a blogger, that’s neat…I didn’t know people were still doing that.”
2. Stunning audiovisuals. Don’t worry, I am not going to be the guy that fires up a powerpoint at HRevolution, and I am certainly not going to be the guy that pulls out the fricking flipchart…nobody wants to be that guy.  I am actually going to be introducing some cutting edge, never before seen technology at HRevolution…it’s a mashup of mental telepathy and cave painting.  I am actually going to be painting my brilliant bullet points on the insides of peoples skulls!  It is really the perfect tool; beautiful and profound and there is no evidence for the outside world.
3. Cologne.  I hired a crack team of anthropologists, ethnographers, analyticstaticians and social workers to profile and analyze the HRevolution attendees.  Apparently, several of them are Gen Xers.  I happen to have the ultimate tool of influence to use on Gen Xers…old school cologne.  I will be breaking out antique bottles of Drakkar, Grey Flannel and Eternity for Men.  I am going to bathe in it and They Will Love Me.
4. Changing my name.  I have not worked out all of the details yet, but I have decided to change my name…actually the spelling of my name.  Ke$ha is clearly one of the most important artists of this and several other centuries and I have decided to follow her lead.  I am going to change my name to either j?e or j&e…they are both pretty awesome, so I am having a hard time deciding.  Either way I am pretty sure it will blow the minds of HRevolution attendees and make me a lock as the coolest person there.
5. New words. These people have the incredibly annoying habit of calling most of my favorite words “buzzwords.”  I do not want to be the person that all the buzzword bingo tweets are about, so I am making up completely new words.  If you have never heard it before, you surely cannot call it a buzzword.  One of my favorite new words is “ratectual.”  I have not made up a meaning for it yet, but I have started to practice throwing it out in casual conversation…I think its going to kill.  Also in consideration are connectegy, situactive, aphordic and engagement. If you have any made up words you would be willing to share I would love to give them a trial run for you.

Be good to each other.